12/22/09

So a lot has gone down lately. I have come to an understanding on why I stopped wanting to talk to people. when to talk to a person that cares "how are you" is normally asked. When you reply you can choose to lie and say something on the lines of good or okay and act like your happy and keep yourself all bottled up, or you could tell the truth and be like i hate life and I am never happy, and blah blah blah. well neither of these options are to my liking at this time. I am so used to just acting like I am happy when really I am not...i feel fake not myself...like a hypocrite. I can not continue to do that, but when everyone knows you as the really happy talkative girl, its pretty hard to avoid being "fake". Then when you are actually like oh life sucks and so on people ask questions and get all up in your business. Then people start to treat you differently, its like you lose your power. I don't mind getting treated differently, but I hate when people are all up in my business. I just wanna be left alone. I want to be lonely and sad all by myself. I don't need anyone trying to help or trying to fix things, no I am done with that. There was I time when I wanted to tell people how I felt just to get it out...then I didn't know what the reactions was. I don't like the reaction...I just wanna be left alone. So if I don't text you or talk to you its cause I don't want to have to tell you how or feel or lie to you...the only way I can avoid this is by not talking to people. now I will admit it I do talk a ton so at times I do need to talk and will for a bit, but I don't want a serious conversation, I can not handle that. so more of what has been going on...I lost a friendship...oh so very sad. I really did care about you, I thought I could till you anything and everything and you wouldn't judge, well you just had to go and say the words you did...and you don't even understand how I feel. tears. You meant more to me then you could ever think, and its like you cut me apart. So now that I lost a friend, and don't enjoying talking to anyone anymore, maybe I could add some happy...the only happy I can think of is that I finally got my ledge taken out. Now back to life...i said back to life because I am at the point where life is not happy anymore, its not the reality, its the dream, the dream I am trying to reach...the dream I want to give up on, but I know I can't. So as much as I hate school due to learning, work, and thinking; I much rather be there then at home...school is a better place to be. I want the happy day to come. Note to the reader if you text me about reading this I will not be happy with you, this is me telling you how I don't like talking to people about that...so if you think that you are an exception your wrong, no one is.
The end

11/10/09

the date is 11...10...9 do you get it, its counting! that blew my mind today! So do you remember when I was all like I am going to stay on top of blogging and blog way more, but nope I am way too busy for my life! plus I am way to stressed out, and just not myself. so i have heard family is something very important, and well I understand, but I also disagree. one should love their family, not because they have to, but they should want to, and families should look out for one another. everyone has a different way of doing this. some familes are better than others, and my family is not so good at this. This is something that is very hard to achieve everyone has to work for it, I have learned that one person cant do it all, I can try, but i only fail. So I guess my family is going to remain weak. well I know this is oh so short, but I need to get caught up with life, I will finish this thought later!

10/18/09

Writing this is like the highlight of my day, I've been looking forward to blogging, I'm kinda unsure why, its not like today was a boring day, its just I am on a good topic that I really like sharing my views about! so a bit more on the topic of smart points just to start things off a bit, I feel that the effect of smart points is the same thing as the effect of talking behind someones back, or saying a rude comment, or just not being there as a friend. someone else could take this 100 percent differently and one is not right or wrong, they are just different views. On this matter I can see a few different views on why they could be good, or bad, but bad just stands out so much more in my mind. If I were to have a conversation with you and you gave me smart points, you probably would think that you were doing something really nice, but to me you weren't and if I eventually never told people how much I hated smart points then this would continue to happen. Now I know a lot of people might not have the courage to tell other people how they feel or how their actions can affect them so greatly and they try and keep it all bottled up inside of them, but me I am not that type of person, I am no where near that type of person, but someone that I know very very well is the type of person that keeps its thoughts to itself. now I won't tell you who this person is because thats not my story to tell, but I will refer to it in a way. So if one keeps their thoughts to themselves and never tells anyone how they are feeling, then the person hurting them will continue maybe because they don't understand or they just don't care...it could even be a combination of both (I think that is probably most common). So a person feels bad about something that is happening and then it keeps happening because they can't or won't stick up for themselves and this can have a dramatic affect on a person, it can be long term or short term affects. The thing is the "hurter" might not even know what is going on. well back to the person that I know in this case the "hurter" knew, but did not fully know what was going on and continued hurting for many years, and it couldn't take it and major problems developed. After all this I have learned to express my thoughts and well sometimes I may express my thoughts a bit too much, I am glad I express them, because I know that it can prevent me from getting hurt, and that I will stick up for myself. The most important thing that I learned from all this is to think before words or actions that are going towards another person, be there for them, and don't say things that have a chance to hurt someone. Yeah joke around but make sure a joke is known as a joke. And again sometimes you might not know what you are saying can hurt, but other times you will. I really wanted to blog about this because even if just one person reads this and understands there words and actions better then maybe I could help someone, someone who is need, someone like the it in my life. I love the it in my life, and I'm glad it was able to overcome all of this and get the help it needed. So please just always remember this, and be nice. even tho I love it, I'm glad I'm different then it, and I hope that I remain stronger then it because of what I know. (if you know me and you wanna talk to me about it, or think you might know about it, just hit it up, I might tell you, but please if I say I don't wanna tell you because it would be too hard or awkward please respect that) It is used for confidentiality i did not want to use he/she because that could make it awkward. one more note before I move on, this is really serious to me, and if I ever tell you I'm hurt by something please know I am saying it for a reason, and even to other people, its respect, and respect is great. I may come back to this topic in a later blog, but right now its getting hard to write about...and I have had to take some breaks in writing this because it is so hard, but I pulled through because it is important. well I am off to go do homework, and probably think about this even more.

check out these blogs, I love them, and am glad these people are my friends :)
www.thomaslang19.wordpress.com
www.klairmusic1@blogspot.com
www.mmjmikaylablogs@blogspot.com

10/17/09

Well I have decided that I am going to try and blog more often now...I should be able to do that. Whats the point of having a blog if you blog like once a month...yea I find that pretty lame, I think that if I do something I should do it right and do it fully, but the only problem is to do all the things that one wants to do in their life theres not enough time, life is crazy, life is fun, but life needs more time. well I am young and I like to live like theres no tomorrow because life is short and you never know what is going to happen, so you should do the fun things while you can and try to make the most of your time, but wait what about sleep, it seems like I end up having no time for it anymore, but I guess thats my own fault because when I have free time where I could be doing homework or getting other important stuff done I end up sitting here now and writing this or texting, or talking on the phone oh and facebook yeah thats the biggest distraction that ever lived...I mean it! i for sure just got distracted by facebook just now! but you gotta love it, one can communicate so easily! oh yea texting is also distracting me at the moment. So phones, my phone is like pretty much my life I need it I feel naked with out it, and it tends to be in my hands A LOT! I have come to realize how much I relay on my phone, if I were ever to lose the thing you would not want to talk to me, because I would not be very cheerful! (haha maybe that would help me out a bit...I tend to be a bit too cheerful HA!) So many people are without cell phones, and I used to take my cellular device for granted, but now I understand how thankful that I am to have one! even if mine is falling apart because all the good phones broke and I'm stuck with a crappy one, but it works so I love my phone for always being there when I need it.. and for helping me out so much! now my main thought that I really really really am excited to talk about! this was reminded to me first by a blog...its a really great one (check it out www.thomaslang19.wordpress.com) and he talked about smart points, then today someone thought they can take mine away...but it didn't work out so good. so heres the thing it all started out extremely early so early that no one in there right mind should have been up I would have loved to have been sleeping, but no we all had to be up early! well my brain works just a bit differently in the morning...it tends not not think to much before it sends words pouring out of my mouth...and I tend to be a bit cranky and sometimes even mean...don't worry I am only mean really early or without coffee both would be really bad. so back on topic I heard some girl so something way past dumb and to the people around me I said "Wow that girl just lost some major smart points" thus the creation of smart points...so during that entire day we were all taking and giving smart points...well after I explained what they were after I said that because everyone just kind of looked at me funny, but once they realized what they were..people were taking and giving smart points everywhere. it was over dramatic! well i was very very good at losing smart points...I would call myself a pro smart points loser... yeah I know thats a bad thing and im not too proud of it, but its the truth and I gotta put it out there! So after that day I thought everyone would forget about these so call smart points...but no they went on and on and on and on and on...they were like never ending! Me being the accidental creator of this madness I hated it just because I person does was thing that may have shown that they don't have a large amount of common sense one shouldn't take some imaginary thing away from them just to prove that they did it, they probably already know what they did was not too smart and you don't need to point it out to them...a great way to put it is its not really being a friend. sure there are also great times when you do or say something really smart and then you can have streaks of these and get lots of smart points, but a lot of people forgot about those times and only took points and never gave points...then if they did give points it kinda makes your smart comment less meaningful...think about you are in a great conversation and your just talking and someone goes woah that was really smart heres some smart points...then the conversation is lost... plus it kinda of saying wow I never thought something smart like that would come out of your mouth...it that takes away the good part of smart points...you can never really win with smart points...its just like yepp no matter what your not very smart..and it can really make someone feel bad. So I told everyone that did smart points to stop...and if you ever try to give or take my smart points the answer will sound something like No were not doing that! yea other people have different views and some really like smart points but me i find them to be a nightmare. well i could go on forever about smart points, but I think this is a good stopping place for now...but I think next blog I will talk more about smart points and what I really wanna get at eventually is how people act towards others and how much other peoples words and actions can hurt another person and how you might not even realize it...so now that you have a bit of a sneak peak into the future...im gonna leave ya hanging!

10/3/09

Woah! last night was a night to remember! So last night was the night in the cold (something that I did with sheltered reality), what we did was sleep in boxes to raise money and awareness for homelessness. Well, last night was just lovely weather...rainy, windy, and cold! To add on to this great luck we were having the box that I built for me and another person collapsed on top of us after being in it for like five minuets! First we thought this was a good thing, because it was like an extra blanket! We just couldn't move because the box was always on top of us! so well we froze, and were cold and wet. Then a brilliant idea hit me (actually I had the idea that morning, but then I just re had the idea!) We should sleep in my car (well SUV)! and that is exactly what we attempted to do, it was still cold and I was to tall so my legs were going up the door to the window, and the seat belt holder was hitting me in the back, and I was oh so comfy! I never actually did sleep! When I got home i thought humm maybe I should sleep now, but I thought and well if a homeless person had no sleep because they were cold, and wet they would not be able to sleep during the day, so I shall not sleep during the day! (work shall be a blast tonight) Yes, I may not have had the best experience, but I would do it again in a heart beat! (it was my third time already) no i would not do it because it is "fun" i would do it because real people just like you and me have to do this every night, they have no other option, they probably wouldn't of had a car to go into, and you will never know what that is like unless you give it a try! You may be cold and wet, but you will know how others feel! You will understand how hard it is to be homeless! And please for me next time you see a homeless person, at least smile at them because that is the least that you can do and a smile can truly make there day. think of them as everyday people just like you and me, because they are just like you and me!

check out these other blogs! they are worth your time!

mmjmikaylablogs.blogspot.com
klairmusic1.blogspot.com
thomaslang19.wordpress.com

9/22/09

So, its been quite awhile yet again, and well I really should be doing homework, or getting ready for work write now, but i just cannot concentrate. So first I wanted to tell you all how the no coffee week went, well it didn't go a week. Monday and Tuesday I had coffee once Wednesday I had coffee twice, but Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday I was successful! I was pretty crabby Sunday morning, and was very thankful to have coffee back in my life! The beginning of the school year has just been crazy busy there is so much that needs to get done and so little time, Senior year is pretty stressful. Plus all my classes contain a lot of work...I'm thinking about changing my schedule for the next semester something that is just as challenging, but I'm unsure over what choice will be better for my college process. If I do get a change one class that I would be taking is wood shop or metal shop (for anyone who knows me well please laugh at this), but my counselor thinks it would be great for college, I think it would be a great way to get an F and actually be trying! I wonder what my table would come out looking like! So much of my thinking has been devoted to my future this year, it makes me really excited but yet worried at the same time! Ok well I'm going to try and distract my mind from the future! So life lessons, I have learned to try your hardest everyday because you never know what can happen and to be a friend to everyone because you never know who they can turn out to be. These are things I always did anyways but they really can pay off! now its time for fun story time....I gotta chose a story, theres so many :) I got it so for those of you who don't know I love watching football, I do not really care who wins, I just like getting into the game touchdown dances, and victory dances are my favorite, now I may not watch many games or know anything about the game, but i will yell at my TV, Well Sunday was football day and I had some extra time and the game was on and so normal football yelling was going on little did I know my Foreign exchange student was behind me laughing it was great, if it were me watching there would be some youtube videos but nawh she is too nice for anything like that. So I will end with a thought for us all to think about! would you rather have a boring life and have lots of free time, or a extremely busy life doing things you love, but no free time to relax? share your thoughts please!

9/13/09

Wow! Its been awhile, well I guess the only reason to explain this is life is crazy, and busy! there was so much to do and such little time! First I wanted to let everyone know that I am challenging myself, well actually I'm being forced to challenge myself, I am very much not excited for this, but I will still try, I may not succeed, but I shall try! Well by now your all probably wondering what it is that I'm challenging myself with, hummm....maybe I won't tell you....nawh! The challenge is for me to go a WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK without COFFEE!!! now for some people this would be easy, well not for me...I'm not addicted (I'm really not, even if everyone says I am I'm not) But I do love coffee! Coffee is what brings me my happiness, and my kindness! without coffee I'm just mean and crabby! well enough about my love for coffee! On the exciting news is my internship started! its oh so much fun, but it is also a challenge, but this one is a lovely challenge that I enjoy! This is something that I hope to continue doing for the rest of my life, well, I would have to learn a lot more first, and I would like to do a lot more then I am doing now, but its on the same line! I am enjoying this and I know that I am making the right decision in my life, but it will be a lot of hard work, but very rewarding hard work! Oh, so if you do not already know I want to be an Occupational therapist! Actually nope changing that I want to be a Children's occupational therapist! I love kids, and I want to work with them! and help them! Even more exciting news is I have a host sister! She is a exchange student from Finland! well I'm thinking that I should head off to bed because I can not have my morning coffee!

Check out these other cool blogs
thomaslang19.wordpress.com
mmjmikaylablogs.blogspot.com
klairermusic1.blogspot.com

9/1/09

Today I have lots and lots that I need to say so so so much has happened recently. I'm going to start out with the less personal more thought based stuff and the ending is going to be more personal and maybe a bit harder to write about. OK so first theres one question that I always wonder, why do people always think at night?? Like you will sit there and try and sleep but all you can do is think! when you need to think about one thing I also find myself thinking about something completely different if only I could focus on what I needed to focus on I could get a whole lot more done in a day. so my next thought has to do with adults who tell you that you should act like an adult but then they don't know how to act like an adult their selves. Sometimes I feel like I act more like an adult then they do, other times I know, but yet I'm still a kid and need to just have fun and be myself sometimes. how come adults can have so many problems understanding that sometimes. I have a new favorite saying that I found one day its "its a good day if you volunteer to help and a bad day if you cant accept help" I love this saying, but it makes me think that I must have a lot of bad days. Theres lots of times that I need help and get offered help but I cant accept it because I want to do things myself. I have come to find out that I am a very opinionated person and I will honestly answer people questions or tell them how I feel about them or something that they have done, and sometimes it can hurt other peoples feeling, but I feel that I am helping them. REGRET, its something that I have a lot of I have learned to forget about the past, but I almost went back to the same old path as before, but then fate worked on my side and a random thing kept me on track, but I feel bad that I needed that random thing. what would have happened if something was not there to keep me on tract, I would have needed so much help to get back on tract, but I think I may have giving up and went back to old habits if it was not for fate. I also regret trusting some people, people that I know would hurt me but I let them get to me and I just got hurt. I knew it was going to happen, but I just let everything get to me. now the person that I trusted was a boy, I thought he was special, but he was just another jerk that I feel for...its kind of my life story. I also trusted some really close friends and I opened up to them about my life, it was a great experience and help me so much and I really just want to thank the people that were there for me...you guys are amazing and I love you. my last topic is confidence, it seems like no one has it including me, I think I believe in my friends more then I believe in me and that I believe in them more then they believe in their self, why can't everyone just believe in their self, why can't I believe in myself? well that's all that's on my mind...but it is a lot to be on my mind at once.

Check this out!!!

klairermusic1.blogspot.com

thomaslang19.wordpress.com

mmjmikaylablogs.blogspot.com

Read them!!!! :)

8/29/09

so i did do the whole idea of writing down my thoughts that i should blog about, but that's at my house and i am currently not there. so I am going to go off of the lessons that I have learned recently. So if you don't know me well people always tell me that i am an easy person to talk to and they come to me for advice, but i have learned that I am very bad at doing the opposite, talking about me and things that i need advice on or problems that I have. well sometimes it can be nice to change and open up people can be there for you and help you out a lot! that's why I love my friends so dearly. i just only wish that I was a strongest person to open up and tell so many more people, but that is just not me, but it could help me. i could work on being a better me, something that I want to do. i think that i could be such a better version of myself while I am still myself. well, off to a new subject now... why do I have to talk oh so much my mouth is always moving, and some very weird things can come out that should maybe just be kept to me. now I am confused I started off with the whole open up more and went on to the whole less talking thing, but what I need to do is talk more about serious stuff and less about lame stuff while still being myself. this may be a challenge, but I think I can manage. just in case you were wondering I am cold. another lesson that I have learned is to forgive and forget, well I didn't actually learn that I just know that I really need to do that, but do not know how. the thing is i cover up the feeling of hate and pretend that nothing is wrong when deep down something may hurt me, but i did also do this today over a really really small problem, but you always have to start small and work your way to bigger projects. SLEEP get it sleeping is oh so important and I need more!! I'm so tired. blah i am such a pansy :) lol. So i am going to continue to learn life lessons and improving myself. I will keep in touch.

so if you are cool then you would so go and read these other blogs. there written by some pretty sweet people.

mmjmikaylablogs.blogspot.com

thomaslang19.wordpress.com

8/25/09

How come whenever someone close to you goes somewhere for even the shortest period of time you miss them so much sometimes even before they leave. I could have gone, by that would have ruined their chance to have their freedom and make sure he is truly sure about this! blah! so now driving, why do you actually have to think, but you cant think to much. It is so hard to manage the in between. Now I'm actually not that bad of a driver I just cant park if my life depended on it! So the life lesson that I have learned always be yourself. No matter what you need to be you, most of the time I am great at being myself, but at times its hard, I never change for other people I change for myself. Changing for yourself still may not be the best that you can do then you have to change yourself back to being yourself. I love when exciting events are coming to a near. My exciting event is the MN state fair its this weekend! PARTY! lol! the feeling that you get can make your week great! So this may be really random, but I'm not blonde there is no blonde about me, and there is nothing wrong with being blonde. the color of your hair does not determine your intelligence, and If I were a blonde it would disappoint me that I would get judged just upon the color of my hair. I don't understand why someone could create a comparison between hair color and intelligence, there is nothing in common there and even if I'm not a blonde it annoys me that people have these ideas. Give a person a chance and actually meet them and get to know them before you judge them. well my mind is drained and I am out of things to write about, I think that I will start to write down my ideas when they come to me so I don't forget them again! :)

8/22/09

So right now I'm actually really frustrated, but most may ask why are you caring, but to me its important. So please take the time to read this and give me any feedback that you can. There once was a teenager (who's name will not be mentioned) who was my best friend for 12 years, she was very smart and was going to go very very far in the world. She had the motivation and the skills, but then she started hanging out with the wrong group of friends. me being the smarter one told her that I felt that we should go our own paths even tho it hurt telling her this i knew it was the right way to go. We had lost contact until about a whole year after splitting paths (this was today) and we started talking. I found out that this smart motivated girl had changed and she wants to throw away her life and drop out of high school when she has so much to offer! Now sure we are no longer friends but I still care enough where this hurts me and I don't wanna see this happen, so I tried talking to her, but there is nothing that I can do, she thinks she will be happy living in a trailer park (yea she really did say trailer park) But I think she is going to regret it. Do any of you have any ideas on how I could help? So now that I have got everything out of me about her dropping out lets blog! I have not learned any great life lessons recently, its pretty sad I love life lessons. The school year is coming up and its making me think what do i want to do before summer is over...the first thing coming to mind is shopping, but I want to do something better then that this is my last "free" summer where I don't have to worry about going off to college which I'm excited for, but yet its scary. Years past the big bang of summer has been a party, I'm sure I will go to them this year, but it wont be the big bang. I feel like I should go bungee jumping, hum maybe that will be it! bungee jumping seems like it would prepare my for the wonderful adventures of senior year! Now on the topic of school remembering back to my childhood days you go school shopping with the whole family and buy everything way before school would start. as the years go on it gets closer to the start of school and you buy less school supplies (because they are boring, and you always had to much anyways) and you buy so many more clothes, because they are important. Come to think of it I have yet to buy any school supplies (my mom got a bag of stuff without me and I have not even looked at it yet), but I have already got new school clothes. I like how the pattern changes I would so rather have a shirt over a notebook! I wonder if this pattern is the same for a lot of people or if its just my family and friends. now this is all for now ta ta

but I would like to add check out these other awesome blogs by my close friends :)
mmjmikaylablogs.blogspot.com
thomaslang19.wordpress.com
:)

8/20/09

well its blog number two! so im still not the best at this. its kinda like im putting all the random thoughts that are in my head on here in no order at all. I always write in a jumbled mess! in time hopefully I will get better at that. along with getting better at writing I must learn how to not be so insecure. maybe I need to belive in myself just a little bit more. now back on topic childhood. now im not thinking of childhood as in when you were a child but more as in being a teenager and being a child with friends, this is something I am quite good at! you are never too old to do anything, you need to live out life so hey if you wanna ride the kiddy merry go round outside of cub..then ride it even if you are 17! you might not wanna sit in the helicopter tho you might get a little stuck :) I guess what im getting at is life is short so we need to have fun and do the unexpected be scared of nothing! I am actually really big at being afraid of heights but I still managed to do the ropes course at the mall of america, I have never shock so much, but now I am more willing to try something new. Im all for bettering myself as a person there is so much that I need to improve on but its so hard to tackle it all at once I think in time I will get there but I always need to remember to take it one step at a time! I really ewnjoy writing these and would not care if no one read them I write them for more and its just an added bonus if others wanna read it! now I think I should take a chance and tell people my blog so maybe if they want they will read it and then I will be acomplishing one more thing in life. well thats all for now. :)

8/19/09

Wow! my first blog! i never thought I would be one to write a blog! When I heard blog I would think...what to bloggers write about they must have really interesting lives! well life is interesting and everyone has interesting lives in their own way! So I really thought about it and I have tons that I can write about things that I actually know about and care about! My blog is purely about life I will not be one to rant off about my feelings I hope! I have nothing against talking about my feelings, but I would think it would be weird for my very few readers to read about it! You most likely wont see me writing about some things like politics because I am not one to get into those topics! the kind of topic that I enjoy are relationships, friendships, and life. I'm just a teenage girl who enjoys sharing my thoughts. now in to the actual blog. but first I must apologize I am also working on my not so great writing skills, they will be needed soon in college life, good thing I still have a whole year to practice! Now today's thought is relationships! That feeling you get around that one someone special its amazing, but then the feeling you get when something may go wrong is horrible. I recently lost the promise ring that was given to me by my boyfriends grandma, I was so scared about what he would think and feel I searched everywhere then told him thinking he would be mad, but he was quite understanding because he could tell that I was upset! about 10 mins later when I was digging through my cute endless sack also known as a purse I found the ring, but the hard part was already over! we got to share the excitement of the found ring and now I know that I should be more careful with the thing! I learned that you may not understand how important something is until it is gone..I think we learn this often in relationships being with friends or boys. A ring is just an item and an item is far different from a person, but a single item can represent a lot! keep things close if they are of any sort of value big or small! Now I must go on about friend since I fell like I have talked about boys forever and friends are much more important then boyfriends! losing a friend is like losing a piece of your heart, and losing a boyfriend is manageable. losing friends is something that happens rarely but the worse way to lose a friend is by fighting nothing ever seems final, nothing ever seems good enough you always wanna fix things because you may remember what you had not what you have! people may change and you may be friends with one who changes and that can ruin a friendship if the change is severe, and that's what hurts the most. You always are meeting new people and making new friends and life time relationships (I think I have many lifetime relationships). Relationships that will last a lifetime are the ones to keep! I think this is going to be all for now, If i keep going I might not have anything to write about next time, but I already do have a few ideas :) ta ta for now!