9/1/09

Today I have lots and lots that I need to say so so so much has happened recently. I'm going to start out with the less personal more thought based stuff and the ending is going to be more personal and maybe a bit harder to write about. OK so first theres one question that I always wonder, why do people always think at night?? Like you will sit there and try and sleep but all you can do is think! when you need to think about one thing I also find myself thinking about something completely different if only I could focus on what I needed to focus on I could get a whole lot more done in a day. so my next thought has to do with adults who tell you that you should act like an adult but then they don't know how to act like an adult their selves. Sometimes I feel like I act more like an adult then they do, other times I know, but yet I'm still a kid and need to just have fun and be myself sometimes. how come adults can have so many problems understanding that sometimes. I have a new favorite saying that I found one day its "its a good day if you volunteer to help and a bad day if you cant accept help" I love this saying, but it makes me think that I must have a lot of bad days. Theres lots of times that I need help and get offered help but I cant accept it because I want to do things myself. I have come to find out that I am a very opinionated person and I will honestly answer people questions or tell them how I feel about them or something that they have done, and sometimes it can hurt other peoples feeling, but I feel that I am helping them. REGRET, its something that I have a lot of I have learned to forget about the past, but I almost went back to the same old path as before, but then fate worked on my side and a random thing kept me on track, but I feel bad that I needed that random thing. what would have happened if something was not there to keep me on tract, I would have needed so much help to get back on tract, but I think I may have giving up and went back to old habits if it was not for fate. I also regret trusting some people, people that I know would hurt me but I let them get to me and I just got hurt. I knew it was going to happen, but I just let everything get to me. now the person that I trusted was a boy, I thought he was special, but he was just another jerk that I feel for...its kind of my life story. I also trusted some really close friends and I opened up to them about my life, it was a great experience and help me so much and I really just want to thank the people that were there for me...you guys are amazing and I love you. my last topic is confidence, it seems like no one has it including me, I think I believe in my friends more then I believe in me and that I believe in them more then they believe in their self, why can't everyone just believe in their self, why can't I believe in myself? well that's all that's on my mind...but it is a lot to be on my mind at once.

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