first my day...Today was annoying!!!!! I got sick. That was not pleasant. I think my wisdom teeth are coming in cause my mouth hurts and the spot where they belong is cut up kinda. its been annoying me all day. and Drama gahhh its so annoying, I just want everything to get worked out. I blame prom for having the grand march line up by your ticket number. but then as the day went on it got better! I guess the day has to sometime! I found out I have a very short school day on friday! :) tomorrow will be busy, school, lacrosse, work, and PACKING! :)

Well if you don't know....I think everyone does but....Im in sr (sheltered reality) we have steps of success (1. take a chance, 2. never give up 3. do whatever it takes 4. believe in yourself 5. be a friend and 6. believe in God.) So I normally use these everyday not knowing it for small little things, Im sure everyone does, but TODAY I actually thought about it and used them in a tough I really gotta try and push myself kind of way...its always the best feeling. :)

Yesterday I learned something about myself....it was a disappointment. so I am sure almost everyone knows that The Hills is my favorite show, its so great, I think the badness makes it good, and Funny. I dont know I just love it A LOT!! So I once was told that I watch the show too much and that I am starting to talk like the girls on the show, and I think that this is not really a good thing I also thought that it was not true, but then I was watchin cause it was the season premiere!!! and I realized that omg I really do sound like Stephine Pratt. I say a lot of the same things and I talk a lot a like her. I think its kinda sad, but I guess its just me.

well I dont know what else to add...bye! :)

:)

once again I blog...hahaha! I never really know what to blog about, but today i have just realized that this summer will be the last chapter of one book of my life and time to start a whole new chapter of my life! Im excited. But to end the chapter I think I need to have one of the best summers ever if this is it! I already know that I will never ever be ready for all the goodbyes, but I am ready for all the hellos! This summer is going to packed with action and fun and I will make the best memories of it! high school goes by so fast!!! COLLEGE I cant wait to get to a whole new enviroment with all new people and fun, but at the same time i dont wanna leave the one I am in! I dont know if im happy or sad! I will miss so many people, but I will start a new chapter!

today I learn something! that some people think that a person is only themselves by the choices that they themselves make, but its so not true! I know that I am me from other peoples decisions in life too my family, friends, and even peers. A person can make a decision that can change you, so what is being yourself? if a happy person gets really sad after a sad event that involved a friend are they not being themselves? No one will know if a person is being themselves, but the person. and the hardest part is that sometimes the person doesn't even know! I know that I try to be myself, but I also know that other people make me be me, but I don't know if that is me being myself! Wow, I think that i think way too hard sometimes!

Well I don't know if I wanna tell the internet anything else so goodbye! :)

1/24/10

So I remembered about this blogging thing again :) i totally almost forgot about it again ;) I am pretty sure that even if I did forget it wouldn't matter because pretty much no one reads this and I like that hahaha! I would still be happy if no one at all reads this...I just like writing some things cause then its just better.

Recently I learned how to act mature, when acting mature is a hard thing to do. Have you ever disagreed with someone and you just want to argue with that person even when arguing gets you no one...you can argue for hours and still no one wins. Most of the time you are just ended even more mad than what you were before you started this. So when you sit down and actually talk about the problem in a mature way you can actually solve things (okay if the problem is very contraversal than you probably won't completely solve it, but maybe just understand the other more and be okay with not agreeing). I used to love the whole arguing part, I have to admit I am pretty good at it, but that often means saying things that you really don't actually mean, and hurting others, but when you actually sit down and talk on an open level you are more likely to talk about the problem and only the problem and be open on the topic. this is a very good life skill. I am so greatful to have learned it after 17 years.

Age. So this is pretty silly but I have been 17 for for a little over 9 months, and yet I still forget and say I am 16 and not 17. I think its pretty bad that I can't even remember my own age. maybe if I wrote it on my hand over and over again I would remember...I mean that is how I learned my left from right (after I realized I put the L and R on the wrong hand)! maybe I will just wait till I am 18 and maybe this could be the way that I remember my age. I really hate when people ask me how old I am because the majority of the time I am like sixtee.......seventeen hahaha...I look so dumb when that happens. I do this in front of so many people too, but I guess its me and I need to like me for who I am..even if I cant even remember my own age.

memory...kinda going off of the age thing, but I understand that my memory sucks, I have a feeling its going to be really bad when I get old...I am going to like set my glasses down and then be like awwwh I lost my glasses. This is so much funnier when you hear my old person voice and see my old person walk. Well actually i should think of a new name for it cause the name now is categorizing the elderly...and most elderly are not like this, but I think its what I will be like when I am older...so maybe it should be called old Tonia humm I will have to think of something better...since I love doing my Tonia is old walk and talk (I do understand that many old people walk talk and remember just the same as when they were young, and I am NOT trying to be disrespectful, but I am talking about me getting old and not anyone else)

Bloggers...Do you know how some people can go on to their blog and just spill their life story, no matter how good or bad they are just that open...or how some people use their live story to help others. I like how people can do this. I wish I had this trait I do understand that it can get annoying to some people, but being able to open up and tell everyone what you have been through or what is going on that is being brave and it can really help others. Even stories on websites, or speakers, and even people who can just open up to their friends...honestly I still have so many things I want to say some on here to everyone to know, and others just to a few close close close close close friends, but I need the courage, the power, and the trust. Maybe its even to late for some of these things to come out, but idk I wish I had the strength. maybe that will come in time, or maybe I will be without it the rest of my life...who knows

Well its time for this blog to come to an end...If anyone reads this thanks I guess....yeah thanks! haha

1/20/10

My first post of 2010!!!! 2010 is a big year for me I turn 18, graduate high school, and go off to college! I did start a year like this off with a BANG! haha I jumped into lake minnetonka! oh and if you are wondering it was cold!

So I also only have 2 days left of my internship :( I am so mad! I love the kids that I work with and I dont think that Physics is really that worth it!

Random thought is I am the worse blogger ever, i like never do it!! maybe I will be able to change this! eventually I have a story that I want to tell, but I dont know if that would be a good blog! I have learned something about myself I am wonderful at getting myself in drama! such a bad thing to be so good at! its not like I try or even like drama I just tend to say the wrong things at the wrong times, and this can sometimes hurt others feelings! i must work on blogging and telling people what I think nicely.

So if anyone does not know my plan for life it is occupational therapy, but I have been thinking of politics or a lawyer as back up plans. i love sticking up for rights and trying to make the right thing happen! I just realized how much I like doing this. I still know that i like O.T. much better. I get to attend some college overnights soon I am really excited to get a sneak peek of college life! I cannot wait to live on campus.

So this is a whole new thought, i just realized that all my blogs are giant chucks of randomness and they should be split up instead of a giant not connecting paragraph! I think I will fix this blog before I continue...hold on. There now my unorganized thoughts are a tiny bit more organized!

frustration, anger, and annoyance. these seem to be my only emotions lately oh and laughter is often present only cause even when I am mad or something I still laugh way too easily!

well I dont feel like typing anymore and I should get to homework....finals are coming.....wait I have one tomorrow I so forgot hahaha!

12/22/09

So a lot has gone down lately. I have come to an understanding on why I stopped wanting to talk to people. when to talk to a person that cares "how are you" is normally asked. When you reply you can choose to lie and say something on the lines of good or okay and act like your happy and keep yourself all bottled up, or you could tell the truth and be like i hate life and I am never happy, and blah blah blah. well neither of these options are to my liking at this time. I am so used to just acting like I am happy when really I am not...i feel fake not myself...like a hypocrite. I can not continue to do that, but when everyone knows you as the really happy talkative girl, its pretty hard to avoid being "fake". Then when you are actually like oh life sucks and so on people ask questions and get all up in your business. Then people start to treat you differently, its like you lose your power. I don't mind getting treated differently, but I hate when people are all up in my business. I just wanna be left alone. I want to be lonely and sad all by myself. I don't need anyone trying to help or trying to fix things, no I am done with that. There was I time when I wanted to tell people how I felt just to get it out...then I didn't know what the reactions was. I don't like the reaction...I just wanna be left alone. So if I don't text you or talk to you its cause I don't want to have to tell you how or feel or lie to you...the only way I can avoid this is by not talking to people. now I will admit it I do talk a ton so at times I do need to talk and will for a bit, but I don't want a serious conversation, I can not handle that. so more of what has been going on...I lost a friendship...oh so very sad. I really did care about you, I thought I could till you anything and everything and you wouldn't judge, well you just had to go and say the words you did...and you don't even understand how I feel. tears. You meant more to me then you could ever think, and its like you cut me apart. So now that I lost a friend, and don't enjoying talking to anyone anymore, maybe I could add some happy...the only happy I can think of is that I finally got my ledge taken out. Now back to life...i said back to life because I am at the point where life is not happy anymore, its not the reality, its the dream, the dream I am trying to reach...the dream I want to give up on, but I know I can't. So as much as I hate school due to learning, work, and thinking; I much rather be there then at home...school is a better place to be. I want the happy day to come. Note to the reader if you text me about reading this I will not be happy with you, this is me telling you how I don't like talking to people about that...so if you think that you are an exception your wrong, no one is.
The end

11/10/09

the date is 11...10...9 do you get it, its counting! that blew my mind today! So do you remember when I was all like I am going to stay on top of blogging and blog way more, but nope I am way too busy for my life! plus I am way to stressed out, and just not myself. so i have heard family is something very important, and well I understand, but I also disagree. one should love their family, not because they have to, but they should want to, and families should look out for one another. everyone has a different way of doing this. some familes are better than others, and my family is not so good at this. This is something that is very hard to achieve everyone has to work for it, I have learned that one person cant do it all, I can try, but i only fail. So I guess my family is going to remain weak. well I know this is oh so short, but I need to get caught up with life, I will finish this thought later!

10/18/09

Writing this is like the highlight of my day, I've been looking forward to blogging, I'm kinda unsure why, its not like today was a boring day, its just I am on a good topic that I really like sharing my views about! so a bit more on the topic of smart points just to start things off a bit, I feel that the effect of smart points is the same thing as the effect of talking behind someones back, or saying a rude comment, or just not being there as a friend. someone else could take this 100 percent differently and one is not right or wrong, they are just different views. On this matter I can see a few different views on why they could be good, or bad, but bad just stands out so much more in my mind. If I were to have a conversation with you and you gave me smart points, you probably would think that you were doing something really nice, but to me you weren't and if I eventually never told people how much I hated smart points then this would continue to happen. Now I know a lot of people might not have the courage to tell other people how they feel or how their actions can affect them so greatly and they try and keep it all bottled up inside of them, but me I am not that type of person, I am no where near that type of person, but someone that I know very very well is the type of person that keeps its thoughts to itself. now I won't tell you who this person is because thats not my story to tell, but I will refer to it in a way. So if one keeps their thoughts to themselves and never tells anyone how they are feeling, then the person hurting them will continue maybe because they don't understand or they just don't care...it could even be a combination of both (I think that is probably most common). So a person feels bad about something that is happening and then it keeps happening because they can't or won't stick up for themselves and this can have a dramatic affect on a person, it can be long term or short term affects. The thing is the "hurter" might not even know what is going on. well back to the person that I know in this case the "hurter" knew, but did not fully know what was going on and continued hurting for many years, and it couldn't take it and major problems developed. After all this I have learned to express my thoughts and well sometimes I may express my thoughts a bit too much, I am glad I express them, because I know that it can prevent me from getting hurt, and that I will stick up for myself. The most important thing that I learned from all this is to think before words or actions that are going towards another person, be there for them, and don't say things that have a chance to hurt someone. Yeah joke around but make sure a joke is known as a joke. And again sometimes you might not know what you are saying can hurt, but other times you will. I really wanted to blog about this because even if just one person reads this and understands there words and actions better then maybe I could help someone, someone who is need, someone like the it in my life. I love the it in my life, and I'm glad it was able to overcome all of this and get the help it needed. So please just always remember this, and be nice. even tho I love it, I'm glad I'm different then it, and I hope that I remain stronger then it because of what I know. (if you know me and you wanna talk to me about it, or think you might know about it, just hit it up, I might tell you, but please if I say I don't wanna tell you because it would be too hard or awkward please respect that) It is used for confidentiality i did not want to use he/she because that could make it awkward. one more note before I move on, this is really serious to me, and if I ever tell you I'm hurt by something please know I am saying it for a reason, and even to other people, its respect, and respect is great. I may come back to this topic in a later blog, but right now its getting hard to write about...and I have had to take some breaks in writing this because it is so hard, but I pulled through because it is important. well I am off to go do homework, and probably think about this even more.

check out these blogs, I love them, and am glad these people are my friends :)
www.thomaslang19.wordpress.com
www.klairmusic1@blogspot.com
www.mmjmikaylablogs@blogspot.com